September 24, 2024

My dear readers, I hope this missive finds you well. As I write, we are just about 6 weeks out from a presidential election in the United States, so this is a good time to remind y'all to vote.

How do I do that?

This varies by state, but essentially: 

1. Register, or check that your registration is active.
2. Look up where your polling place is, or request a mail-in ballot.
3. Research the issues.
4. Vote.
5. Democracy ensues.

Vote.org has nifty tools for doing all of the above.

Why should I bother?

You probably don't need me to tell you that democracy is at stake this election. I know you've heard the Republican nominee say he plans to be a dictator, albeit only on the first day. (Yeah, right!) No doubt you're aware that Project 2025 is a literal plan for giving Donald Trump control over the daily life of every American, get Americans he doesn't like fired, silenced, or killed, and make himself and his friends richer while the rest of us go to hell.

You've been told that lives are at stake. Four years ago around this time, I made you a special political edition of "Female Cause of Death BINGO." This year, I don't even need to, because these are actual headlines:

• A dramatic rise in pregnant women dying in Texas after abortion ban
• At least two women in Georgia died after they couldn’t access legal abortions and timely medical care in their state
• Idaho Banned Abortion. Then It Turned Down Supports for Pregnancies and Births.
• Denied abortion for a doomed pregnancy, she tells Texas court: 'There was no mercy'

And I know you saw those, even before I brought them up just now.

What's it to you?

As a woman, I'd rather not bleed to death the next time I have a gynecological emergency. Also, Republican candidates hate all "childless cat ladies" (me); and the Republican platform calls for repealing protections for the disabled (also me) and for LGBTQ+ people (still me). Not to mention that they want to ban all immigration, both legal and illegal, which, besides causing humanitarian crises, would completely eliminate my day job. Since Project 2025 also wants to eliminate programs that help poor people, including healthcare programs, losing my income could straight up kill me.

I originally was going to put a paragraph here where I enumerated all the cool stuff I do for this country, but then I realized: I don't need to justify my existence as a citizen. If you care about me, or at least enjoy reading my blog, please do not let this happen. And the only way to prevent catastrophe, preserve democracy, and banish the MAGA extremists from our body politic, is to defeat them at the ballot box.

In other words, vote.

Wait, isn't this a pop culture blog?

Of course it is! Which is why I'm going to tell you about the most recent TV episode that made me cry.

You cry at TV shows?

Only the ones that make me feel patriotic and/or doomed. In this case, it was "Democracy in America," from Northern Exposure, which originally aired February 24, 1992. I haven't officially introduced Northern Exposure yet, so let me give you the 10-second pitch: a Jewish doctor from Queens, NYC must pay back his med school scholarship by working in Cicely, Alaska, a town of 800 quirky characters.

For our purposes, you should know about these quirky characters in particular:

• Joel Fleischman, the aforementioned doctor;
• Maggie O'Connell, our upcoming DFGRR dead-boyfriends contestant, a bush pilot originally from Grosse Pointe, MI;
• Holling Vincoeur, the town's restaurateur and longtime mayor;
• Ruth-Anne, the owner of the general store; and
• Chris Stevens, the town's radio host, pastor, and installation artist, who jumped parole back in West Virginia and is technically on the lam.

The Plot

Edna Hancock, a local resident, mounts a mayoral campaign against Holling. It is the mother of all single-issue campaigns: 5 years earlier, he had promised to look into getting her a stop sign for her street, and he forgot about it. She sees this as a matter of principle: people shouldn't forget their promises, politicians least of all. Since Holling is no longer running unopposed, the town has to hold formal elections. It turns out that Cicely has never actually done that before.

Joel: Unbelievable. I've discovered the Brigadoon of electoral politics!

In a town of only 800 people, this becomes a huge deal. Holling reflects that although he never even asked to be mayor, he's done his best and doesn't want to be voted out. In the absence of a party machine, he has to take his own polls - by asking his neighbors, one at a time, who they support. He's shocked to learn that the town's barber isn't voting for him just because he's ready for a change, while the barber's wife won't vote for Edna because "you can't trust women." The unexpected competition eats away at Holling's mild-mannered, easygoing nature.

Holling: Two days ago, if Edna Hancock had been elected mayor, I might have been able to live with it. Today, I'd rather be treed by hounds. I don't just want to beat Edna Hancock, I want to destroy her. I want to fold her in two. I want to make her suffer.

Meanwhile, Maggie tries to give a first-time voter some advice:

Look each candidate in the eye, and try to decide which one is least likely to become a total sleazebucket.

This causes her (a Democrat) and Joel (a Republican) to get into an argument about party affiliation. It gets heated:

Maggie: Self-serving, materialistic pig.

Joel: Self-serving Republican pig, thank you very much.

Complicating matters, the two of them get put in charge of election administration. Joel is named election commissioner against his will, after Ruth-Anne threatens to revoke his line of credit if he won't do his civic duty. Maggie, meanwhile, is the chairman of the election committee.

Maggie: What's the difference between election commissioner and chairman of the election committee?

Ruth-Anne: The charter's a little obscure on that point. But as far as I can make out, the chairman makes the arrangements, and the commissioner oversees those arrangements.

Maggie: You mean I have to submit everything for his approval?

Ruth-Anne: Absolutely not.

Joel: Why not?

Ruth-Anne: She wouldn't stand for it, and neither would I.

Joel points out, quite fairly, that the town's charter doesn't even give the mayor a lot of power. And yet, as a political junkie and electoral stats nut, he gets vaguely excited about assessing the town's demographics. Maggie, on the other hand, starts to obsess over the symbolism and pomp involved. They argue over absolutely everything, down to the color of crepe paper at the debate.

In the end, the people vote for change.

Chris: The winner by eight votes, Edna Hancock. Pax vobiscum.

Are we up to the part where you cry?

Almost. One-half of my tears came when I saw how both the Holling v. Edna and Maggie v. Joel plotlines resolve: they're all still friends. The defeated Holling buys Edna a drink at his bar and congratulates her, while also teasing "another week and I'd'a wiped the floor with you." Joel the self-serving Republican pig, meanwhile, compliments Maggie on "87% turnout. No late precinct returns. No disputed ballots," and buys her dinner. 

I felt so weird thinking about how 30 years ago, political disagreements were not necessarily friendship-ending. In fact, up until 10 years ago, I respectfully disagreed with many people without fearing they were out to destroy democracy and get me killed. 

I'm so old, I remember when mainstream Republicans were basically reasonable people with differing views on economics, and not a festering fucktangle of democracy-hating book-banning forced-birth fascist grievance-baby shitweasels

— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) July 7, 2022

Now, maybe I was kidding myself a bit - I could hardly call the Republican party of my childhood "pro-LGBT rights" - but I used to think that basically, disagreements over the ideal level of taxation and regulation weren't End of the World stuff. Today, as the climate crisis threatens us all and citizens of many states are straight up dying due to the banning of lifesaving procedures, I don't feel that way anymore.

And so, I started crying when I saw this blast from the past.

How about the other half of your tears?

Those came from the character of Chris, the hippy radio host. Throughout the episode, he delivers touching, erudite monologues about the nature of democracy and how cool elections are. Chris is actually the only local citizen who can't vote, since he's a convicted felon who didn't complete his sentence. (Alaska does restore voting rights to felons who serve their time.) Nevertheless, he shaves, cuts his hair, and puts on a suit just to sit in the polling station, even though he can't vote. He's THAT enthusiastic about democracy.

When the votes are finally tallied, Chris tells his friend Ed how great this is, with reference to the then-recent fall of the Iron Curtain and USSR.

Chris: Ed, we've just witnessed a peaceful transition in government. Do you realize how miraculous that is? .... Despite Russia, despite Germany, the mass of people on this planet still live under the yoke of some autocratic or totalitarian regime. Do you hear me? Today, tiny Cicely, Alaska stood up and put another "W" in the win category for democracy.

And THAT is what made me cry.

No, not the part about people living in totalitarian regimes, although I was interested to learn that fact is still true today. No, what actually made me cry was the realization that we've broken the tradition of peaceful transitions in the US of A. On January 6, 2021, it was completely shattered. The once-and-[hopefully-not-]future President Trump sicced a mob of terrorists on his own Congress and Vice President. They caused $2 million worth of damage and over 1,400 people have been criminally charged. (Source: DOJ.) No matter how hard the Republicans work to normalize and deny the severity of those events, there's no denying that people showed up with guns, knives, tomahawks, riot gear, hockey sticks, brass knuckles, and at least one pitchfork - not the accouterments I'd pack for a peaceful protest. Just as there's no bringing back the police officers who've died by suicide since, nor any un-breaking of the windows and doors. And there's no reclaiming that 230-year record we had for the peaceful transition of power.

About 71% of earth's population lives in some type of autocracy, compared to 29% in democracy. Myself, I'm downright terrified at the thought of slipping from Column B to Column A. Yet that's the specter I see haunting our country this election season. I grieve for the loss of the miracle we used to take for granted.

Have I mentioned that you really need to vote?

Is the episode worth watching?

Oh yes, it's worth a look for Chris's odes to democracy alone. I've assembled a video of all of them for your convenience, but check out the full episode on Amazon Prime if you can.

Chris: Holling Vincoeur, you know you're still first in the hearts of your fellow Cicelians. Today, people simply said they just want Edna to run things for a while. Hey, that's cool. I mean, if it doesn't work out, we'll have another election, right? It's not perfect, but it's the best system anybody's come up with.

Election Day, aka Let's Save America Day, is November 5. Until then, keep your sexy lamps burning.